Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
