drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
