The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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