So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
