He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
