I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
