I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
