...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
