this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
