Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
