people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
