If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize