Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
