my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
