You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
