If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
