Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
