You can't special order awesome
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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