I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
