This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
