Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
