Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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