Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
