My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
