Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
