Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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