im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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