I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
