i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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