You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize