Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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