If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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