i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
