ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
