the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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