So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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