He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
