beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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