It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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