So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
