My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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