this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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