Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
