I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
