Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
