I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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