have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
