Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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