OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize