went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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