I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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