But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
