you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
