fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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