You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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