Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
