guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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