The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
