pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
