found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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