My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
