Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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