clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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