peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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