Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
