i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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