Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dick very happy bro
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
